My Pile of Ashes
by Amber16
Summary: Harry returns for his 6th year at Hogwarts and many things are strange. What's with Harry's new nightmares, and why is the new DADA professor so mean?rnOOTP spoilers, child abuse, cutting, etc.rnSSHP No SLASH or Severitus, Characters are OOC
1. What a Tangled Web We Weave

** My Pile of Ashes**

**A/N**: Hey everyone! Here's my new story. I hope you all like it. I've been writing on it for a while. Sorry about not updating my other story in a while. If you'll read my profile, you'll understand why. If you don't feel like reading it, then I haven't written in a while because of several things. One is that I have writers block. It's very evil, I know. Grr...

Also, my grandma recently had a mini-stroke. Actually, she had one last month, and another this month which almost lead to a heart attack. As most of you know, my grandpa died recently so this blow was a bit hard for me to handle. My grandma's okay now, though. She's up and about as usual.  
  
I hope you all don't hate me for writing another story. I just couldn't shake this muse off my shoulders. Please enjoy the story!  
  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own any characters except one. Don't sue me!  
  
**Characters will be OOC  
  
Chapter One**: What a Tangled Web We Weave  
  
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Harry Potter was sitting in an empty compartment on his way back to Hogwarts for his 6th year. Hermione and Ron were, like the year before, sitting with the rest of the Prefects at the font of the train. Harry found that it didn't bother that much this time. In fact, he preferred being alone.  
  
Harry would've had an okay time being in the compartment by himself if it weren't for an unexpected and unwanted visitor. "Aw, poor Potty; sitting here all alone. Where's Weasel and Mudblood?" Malfoy mocked concern. Harry clenched his fists. "Ron and Hermione are with the rest of the Prefects, where you should be," Harry replied. "Yes, well, I - What on earth is _that_?" Malfoy asked.  
  
Harry followed Malfoy's gaze to his sleeve which had rolled up, revealing his very bruised up arm. He immediately pushed it back down. "Nothing." Harry said quickly. "Oh yes, brilliant liar, you are." Malfoy said sarcastically before turning on his heel and leaving. Harry let out a sigh of relief. At least he hadn't said anything about his face.  
  
Harry must have fallen asleep because when he woke up they were nearly at Hogwarts. He carefully changed into his robes, being especially careful around his ribs. Right as he was done the train stopped. Harry gathered his things and slowly but painfully walked out. As Harry stepped off the train and went to find a carriage he wondered if Hemione and Ron had already found a carriage.  
  
He sought out his own carriage, preferably one with the least amount of people. He found one with what looked like two 2nd years and one 3rd year. '_Good enough._' He thought.  
  
The ride in the carriage was a long and awkward one. The three in there with him stared as if he might blow up at any moment.Harry found this extremely annoying. He was very grateful when the ride ended.  
  
As Harry was walking into the castle he heard a female voice call him. "Harry! Over here!", it yelled. "Hermione, Ron!", he greeted excitedly. When they both saw his face, though, they gasped. "Harry, what happened to your face?" Hermione asked in alarm. "Yeah mate. It looks like someone hit you with a bludger bat." Ron exclaimed, eyes wide. "Er...I'll explain later." Harry said before walking as fast as he could to the Gryffindor table. Hermione and Ron quickly caught up.  
  
"Harry, did your uncle do this to you?" Hermione said very quietly after they had all sat down. Harry's head snapped in her direction. "He did, didn't he? That bastard!" Ron commented.  
  
"Look, it's not that bad! I'm alive, aren't I?" Harry said, getting annoyed with them. Before they knew it they were already engaged in a heated discussion. So engaged that they didn't even notice when the Sorting Hat sang it's song and food appeared on the table. "Look, can we just drop it? I'm really tired and I'd like to go to bed." Harry said wearily. Hermione sighed. "Alright, but we're going to talk more tomorrow. The password is 'Licorice'.", and with that Harry was off.  
  
Harry grabbed his pajamas and gently lifted his shirt over his head. He carefully ran his fingers over his ribs and winced as a bolt of pain shot through them. '_Probably broken._' He thought to himself, sighing. He'd have to find a spell to fix them, or steal some potions from Madame Pomphrey. '_But for right now_,' He thought, '_How bad can they hurt?_'  
  
Harry crawled into bed, making sure to clear his mind. He had been doing that ever since he got back to the Dursleys. He didn't want anyone to actually see what had been going on over there, and he didn't want of his friends dying because of him. Clearing his mind actually helped to calm him down a bit, too. He wasn't as angry as last year. Of course, it never really helped his nightmares.  
  
That night, like most nights, Harry had another nightmare. He woke up with a start breathing heavily, although this caused him pain. He looked around wildly before realizing where he was. He then glanced at the clock. It read 6:00 AM, which caused Harry to sigh. He had gotten into the habit of waking up around that time.  
  
Harry decided to get dressed an go downstairs. When he got there he sat down in a chair in front of the fire. He stayed like that for a few minutes before Hermione walked out of the girls dormitory. "Harry?" She asked. Harry simply continued to look into the fire. Hermione sighed, sitting down next to him. "You had a nightmare, didn't you?" It was more of a statement than a question. Harry just nodded very slightly.  
  
They sat there in silence for a while when Ron came downstairs. "Hey mate, hey 'Mione. Let's go eat!" He exclaimed. Harry laughed. There were some things that would never change. "Let's go eat before Ron has an aneurysm." Harry said playfully. Hermione just smiled and rolled her eyes.  
  
When the trio got down to the Great Hall they noticed that not many people were there yet. All of the teachers were there, though. "Hey, did anyone catch the new DADA professor's name?" Ron asked as they sat down. Both him and Harry looked to Hermione. "What're you looking at me for? I was busy getting on to Harry." Hermione stated. "Well, I guess we'll find out later." Harry said, eyeing the new professor. He had short, light brown hair, cold brown eyes that were staring ahead, and a very stern expression on his face. All-in-all, he looked as approachable as Snape. Even less so.  
  
The professor turned his cold eyes onto Harry and he instantly disliked the man. Harry found himself returning the glare. "Harry?" Hermione questioned. "I don't like him." Harry replied in a hard voice. "Yeah, he does look a bit harsh." Ron agreed. Hermione nodded.  
  
Harry flinched as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back and saw Dumbledore, eyes twinkling as usual. "Harry, my boy, may I have a word with you?" He asked. "Sure" Harry replied, wondering what he had done. He slowly got up, determined not to show how much pain that simple movement caused him. Dumbledore eyed him carefully.  
  
When they were out of hearing range from other people, Dumbledore began to speak. "First, I would like to tell you that you will continue Occlumency lessons this year with Professor Snape. That is, if you promise not to go looking through his things." Dumbledore said sternly. Harry looked down, feeling two emotions at once. One was embarrassment; at being practically scolded by Dumbledore for doing something so stupid. The other was dread. He was now terrified of Snape. "I promise, sir." Harry said sincerely.  
  
"On another note, Harry, I'd like to ask you what happened to your face." Dumbledore asked with concern. Harry's breathing hitched. What was he going to say? "Er, I got into a fight." That wasn't exactly a lie. He had gotten into a fight, except in this one only his uncle made the hits. Dumbledore didn't seem to believe him but he let it slide anyway. "Um, when is my Occlumency lesson?" Harry asked, trying to change the subject. "If I'm correct, it's tonight at 8." Dumbledore replied. "Oh, okay." Harry said, surprised. He didn't expect the first lesson so soon. "Don't be late, Harry.", and with that, Dumbledore walked off.  
  
Harry walked back to his seat in a sort of daze. How come the Occlumency lessons were so soon? What if Snape saw some of his memories? How could he live with himself after that? He just knew Snape would torment him with them, especially after Harry looked into the Pensieve. "Harry, are you okay?" Hermione asked timidly. "Yeah." He replied slowly. He stared at his timetable, which someone had placed in front of him. '_Great_,' he thought. '_Potions first._'  
  
Harry was very glad that he got excepted into the potions class, but did it have to be the first class of the day? At least Hermione would be there. Sadly, though, Ron hadn't made it into the class. He seemed kind of happy about not being in Snape's class, though.  
  
By the time students started filling into the Great Hall Harry was getting ready to leave. "Harry, it's only 7:00 and classes don't begin until 7:30." Hermione pointed out. "Yeah, well, I'll walk slow." Harry said, stalking off.  
  
Walk slow, he did. His ribs seemed to hurt with every step move that he took. He finally got to the Potion's classroom with 15 minutes to spare. He sat down at a desk in the back, glad that no one was there. That was soon interrupted, though.  
  
"Making trouble, Potter?" Snape sneered. "No, sir." Harry replied quietly. He unknowingly rubbed the spot on his arm where Snape had grabbed him so hard it had left a bruise. "Why are you in my class so early?" He asked, clearly not believing Harry. "Er..." Why did he come down here so early? "I'm waiting, Potter." Snape said impatiently. "To get away from all the people." Harry murmured. "Why? You're famous, you love people. Plus they all worship you. What could be better?" Snape asked snidely. "Tell me, would you like it if people kept gawking at you like you might explode or something?" Harry replied in a forced calm voice. Before Snape could answer, though, students started walking through the door.  
  
Harry was having a hard time concentrating on his potion. He kept thinking about his upcoming Occlumency lessons with Snape. He had expected to take Occlumency again, but he was afraid of what Snape might find. '_He won't find out. You've been practicing all summer. There's no reason why he should find out._' Harry kept trying to reassure himself, but it wouldn't work.  
  
Harry was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Hermione yelling something and an explosion. To his horror, he saw that it was his own potion and it was flying everywhere. Most students ducked under their desks to avoid getting hit. Unfortunately Harry was too slow and some splattered on his upper arm. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't a Burning Draught.  
  
Ignoring the pain in his arm he quickly turned to check on Hermione. She had her wand out, shielding herself. "Are you alright?" asked Harry. "I'm sorry, Harry! I would've conjured up a shield for both of us but this was the first spell that popped into my head! Are you okay? Did any get on you?" Hermione said all of this in a rush. Harry knew she was fine if she could talk that fast. "Er, I'm fine, really." Harry replied back.  
  
Hermione was about to chastise Harry about something or the other when Snape spoke. "Is everyone alright? Good." Then he turned to glare at Harry. "Thanks to you Potter, you could've gotten everybody seriously injured! For that, detention at 8 tonight." After that was said the bell rang. All of the students scrambled to get out, including Harry. "Potter, stay after." Snape said. Hermione shot him a half-sympathetic, half-'you-deserve-it' look before walking out of the room.  
  
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Harry asked cautiously. "Tell me, what was so important that you almost go the whole class killed.?" Snape sneered. "I was-I was thinking." Harry replied. "Thinking? If you ever face the Dark Lord let's hope that you don't space-out like you just did. You might get us all killed that way." Harry looked down.  
  
"Did any of that potion get on you?" Snape asked suddenly. Harry looked up surprised.That wasn't a normal Snape question. "No. What gives you that idea? Oh." Harry said, following Snape's gaze. His robe sleeve was soaked with blood. Snape sighed, and odd thing for him to do. "Let me see your arm." He said, grabbing his wand. "No, that's okay. I-I'm fine. I'll live." Harry said, backing away. He was about to head out of the door when Snape slammed it shut with his wand.  
  
"You're not leaving until I see your arm. Unless you want to go to the Hospital Wing." Snape said menacingly, knowing that Harry didn't want the latter. Harry sighed. There was no way he could get away.  
  
He slowly walked up to Snape's desk and gently rolled up his sleeve. Harry could feel Snape's eyes on him. He looked at his own arm. It was covered in cuts and bruises, plus the burn which Snape quickly healed.  
  
"It seems that the same marks on your face appear on your arm as well. Why is that?" Snape asked sternly. "I, er, I got into a fight." Harry replied, remember what he had told Dumbledore earlier that day. "A fight? With whom?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow. Harry suddenly grew angry. "Why are you interrogating me? It's not like it matters anyway. Just leave me alone!", and with that Harry grabbed the handle of the door, yanked it open, and walked out.  
  
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	2. Going Bad

**My Pile of Ashes**

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A/N: Hey peeps! Thank you all so much for the reviews! 26 on the first chapter, not bad. Lol. Anyway, sorry I didn't get this up sooner. So many things are going on. I have broken a bone in my ankle, so I had tons of doctor appointments. It's not serious, though. It should be healed in a few weeks. We're also trying to find a house, because we have to be out of our apartment by August 31st. Not very long, is it? I also don't know how often I'll be able to write when school starts again. I guess we'll see, won't we?

I still have writers block for my other story, so I'm very sorry to those of you who read it. I hope you like this chapter. Some of you may not, though, considering the way Harry acts. The characters are a bit OOC in this chapter, as well. I really need a beta, so if anyone can help me please do so!  
  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters except one, so don't sue me!

**Characters will be OOC**

**Chapter 2: Going Bad  
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Harry, now in Transfiguration, was sitting in the back row with Ron and Hermione. They were currently trying to turn a book into a dog, Hermione already acing it. "I don't see how you can do it Hermione. It's hard!" Ron complained. "Well, if you studied more than you'd find that this is relatively easy." Hermione replied haughtily. Ron just glared.  
  
Harry was getting tired of their bickering and, already on edge, slammed his wand down on the table. There was a deafening silence. Even most of the dogs stopped barking. "Do you two mind? I'm trying to concentrate!" Harry said loudly. Hermione's dog started barking again. "And if that blasted animal doesn't stop barking I'm going to make it stop myself!" Harry hissed angrily.  
  
Hermione's eyes widened and she protectively held on to the now-silent dog. "Harry, you're horrible!" she screeched, moving to another table. Ron continued to stare at Harry for a few seconds before joining Hermione. Harry was suddenly filled with satisfaction. '_That felt good._' he thought.  
  
Neither Hermione nor Ron were talking to him as they made it to their last class; DADA. They had all but ignored him through Charms and Herbology. When they got to the classroom they noticed that a lot of things had changed. First-of-all, the room was now painted black. In fact, a lot of things were black. The desks, the chairs, and almost everything else. There was also now a dueling table in there, plus a few moving pictures of very dangerous-looking animals.  
  
Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs reluctantly walked in. As soon as they did they were hit with a terrible smell. Everyone groaned and complained. "Ugh, whad is dat?" Ron said, plugging his nose. "Id smells like domething's dead!" Hermione replied, plugging her nose as well.  
  
Suddenly the smell vanished, only leaving behind a few traces of it. "Come on, don't just block the entrance! Sit down!" snapped a deep, scratchy voice. Harry sat by himself at a desk in the corner, far from Ron and Hermione. They were on the opposite side of the room. Harry noticed Hermione giving him hurt looks, but he ignored them. It was her fault he even yelled.  
  
Aside from Hermione, the DADA professor; now known as Professor Knowles; kept giving Harry odd looks also. Harry shrugged it off, being used to this kind of attention. '_It's just another Snape-like teacher._' Harry thought. He was wrong.  
  
"Today, we will start with some dueling. There will be no slacking off with this, or any other, lesson." The professor said. "Mr. Potter! Come up here!" he snapped. Harry slowly got out of his seat and walked over to the dueling table. As soon as he got up there a spell was fired at him. "What'd you do that for?" Harry exclaimed. He examined his left hand where the spell had hit him. A few streaks of blood made their way across his hand.  
  
Do you honestly think that the Dark Lord is going to wait for you? Not very likely." Knowles said coldly. Harry was deeply reminded of Snape. Another spell was shot at him, knocking him to the ground this time. Harry was briefly blinded by pain. His ribs felt like they were being crushed, along with the rest of his body. A few more spells came at him before Knowles got angry. "Get up you idiot! You have to fight back, you can't just lay there!" he yelled. Harry sat up to try to form a curse but was shot back down.  
  
Knowles kneeled beside Harry and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You are worthless, boy. What help will you be if you can't even fight? Tsk, tsk, tsk." With that being said the professor walked away, making sure to step on Harry's wand hand. Harry winced slightly.  
  
Hermione was about to get up to help her friend but Knowles caught her and pointed his wand at her. "Sit back down, girl, or my wand might just happen to slip." he said dangerously. "But-" "Sit!" Hermione reluctantly sat back down. "If he wants up he can do it himself." Knowles said, pointing at Harry. "Now, on with the next lesson."  
  
The rest of the class mostly consisted of reading and questioning. '_This just isn't fair._' Harry kept thinking. Finally the class ended and everyone rushed out the door, save Ron and Hermione. The quickly rushed over to Harry, who was breathing heavily.  
  
"Harry are you alright?" Hermione asked with concern. Harry didn't respond. "Maybe we should take him to Madame Pomphrey." Ron suggested. Harry shook his head. "No! I'm fine." he croaked. Harry tried to prove his point by sitting up. "See." he said. "Anyway, I have to got to Snape's classroom for my detention." Harry said. "It's only 7:10, though. Your detention isn't until 8:00." Hermione said. "Yes, but I don't think I could walk from her, to the Great Hall, then to the Potion's classroom. It's easier my way. Plus I'm not really hungry, anyway." Harry said, trying to get up.  
  
Hermione looked skeptical for a minute. "At least let us help you, then." Hermione said, grabbing one of Harry's arms. Ron followed suit and grabbed the other one. Together they hauled Harry to his feet. Still holding onto Harry's arms, they walked all the way to the Dungeons. Instead of knocking on Snape's door, though, they just barged in.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" asked a cold voice as Hermione and Ron lowered Harry into a chair. "We're helping Harry." Hermione said matter- of- factly. "Can't he walk by himself?" Snape asked snidely. "No, thanks to Professor Knowles." Ron said heatedly.  
  
"You know, I can talk for myself if you don't mind." Harry said, annoyed. "And it was just a duel. He was right, anyway; Voldemort won't wait for me." Harry said. "Harry, what he did wasn't fair! He just kept shooting you back down! He even left you there in the same spot for the rest of the class and threatened Hermione for trying to help you! Some teacher he is." Ron said, looking at Harry like he was insane.  
  
"What about your other injuries?" Hermione asked tentatively. "_Hermione_!" Harry hissed. "No, Harry. I think you need to tell someone." Hermione said. "We'll talk about it later." Harry said in a dangerously low voice, glancing at Snape. He had an odd expression on his face.  
  
"It _is_ later!" said a frustrated Hermione. "Hermione! I'm fine, now leave!" Harry raised his voice. "Harry-" "**Leave**!" Harry yelled, pointing at the door. A few jars rattled. "Fine! But don't expect us to come and help you. I hope you have fun, Harry James Potter! Come along, Ron." And with that Hemione walked out the door. "Sorry mate." Ron said, disappearing out the door as well.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, Snape spoke. "Are you always like that toward your friends?" he asked. Harry sighed. "No. Not ever since-" Harry abruptly stopped. "Ever since what?" Snape prompted. Harry shook his head. He wasn't going to say.  
  
"I'll eventually find out Potter, why not tell me now?" Snape suggested. "Why do you care, Professor? You never have before." Harry asked bitterly. Snape was silent for a few seconds. "If my speculations are correct then I wouldn't want to see you fall into the same darkness that so many others have." Snape said seriously. Harry looked at the ground. "I thought so. Who hit you?" Snape asked. "I can't say." Harry said quietly.  
  
Snape sighed. "At least let me see your injuries." he said. Harry quickly shook his head. "No, I'm fine." "Potter, you have the same options as today as earlier today. You can either show me or show Pomphrey." Snape said. Harry was silent for a few seconds before he sighed in defeat. "Alright, I'll show you. But you have to promise me that you won't use all of this against me." Harry said, looking up. "I wasn't going to do that anyway." Snape said sincerely.  
  
"Now, take off your shirt." Snape said, standing up from his chair. Harry carefully stood up and complied. He wrapped his bare arms around himself, blushing a crimson red. Snape started inspecting him. "A lot of bruises and cuts." Snape mumbled. He then started pushing on Harry's ribs. Harry winced on a few of them, but when Snape got to the two bottom right ones Harry inhaled sharply. "Those two are definitely cracked. The rest are bruised. Turn around." Harry reluctantly turned around, afraid of what Snape might say.  
  
"Someone sure got mad, didn't they?" Snape said, more to himself. There were deep gashes all over Harry's back, thanks to Dudley's new pocket knife. "What was the weapon used here?" Snape asked quietly. "A knife." Harry replied in an equally quiet voice. "I see. Face me." Snape said. Harry turned around to see Snape walking over to a cabinet. He waved his wand and it opened. Inside were a few potions with no labels.  
  
Snape quickly snatched up a potion and walked back over to Harry. "Here, drink this." Snape said, handing the grayish potion to Harry. He eyed the potion carefully. "It's not poison, Potter. It'll make you feel better." Snape said in a reassuring-like way. Harry reluctantly swallowed the potion. It didn't taste so bad, actually.  
  
Harry felt a bit better. Some of his bruises and cuts faded away, and his ribs didn't hurt as bad. "Thanks." Harry mumbled, handing the vial back. "I don't think that tonight is the best night for Occlumency. It's a bit early to send you back to your dormitory, though. I am supposed to be giving you detention, after all. Sit." Snape said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk. Harry pulled his shirt on and sat down. Snape sat down, too, and began grading papers.  
  
Harry was becoming very tired. Soon he was to tired to even hold his head up so laid it down on the desk. '_I'll just rest my eyes._' he thought. A few minutes later Snape looked up to see Harry fast asleep. He sighed and stood up. He strolled over to where Harry sat and bent down to pick him up. As Snape was walking toward his personal chambers Harry seemed to snuggle into his arm. Snape suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for the boy. '_Where did that come from?_' he asked himself. He shook his head as he gently lowered Harry onto the couch. Snape grabbed 2 warms blankets from his closet and laid them atop Harry. Harry nestled into them. Harry looked peaceful now, but Snape was in for a long night.  
  
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	3. Are You Blind?

**My Pile Of Ashes**

**A/N:** Hi everyone. I am _so_ _so so_ sorry this took so long to update. I know it sounds horribly stupid, but I just haven't felt like updating, or writing, lately. Have you ever been in such a bad mood that you didn't feel like doing anything except sit around and do nothing? That's how I've been. Plus my sister just moved back from Florida and was staying with us for a while. She has kids of her own and they kept interrupting me whenever I tried to write something. But they are gone now. We've moved to a new house and all. I didn't have the computer for quite some time after that.

Then, I actually had the chapter all written out in WordPad but my computer got so infected with adware and spyware that it crashed completely and the disk that I had saved the story on got erased when my mom's b/f unknowingly stole it and copied his own stuff on it. Pissed me off. We've also had a bit of family problems so that really put me down. My best friend is on the verge of a nervous breakdown so I'm trying to help her out as well. I have no idea when my next post will be. School is driving me insane. I'm the prop person in a play and our rehearsals are every night on weekdays and sometimes weekends. Starting Monday we have to work until 9:00 PM so we'll be ready for Friday. We're really horrible.

As for my other story, I really am sorry to those of you waiting. I'm so busy working on this one that I haven't got time. I haven't quit, though. Plus I want a more angsty story, like this one. Well, enough of my rambling. Don't let me hold you from reading on.

**Characters are OOC**

**Rating: Rated 'R' for language and some gore.**

**Disclaimer: Although I wish I owned the characters, I only own one. Don't sue. **

**Chapter 3: Are You Blind?!**

Snape finally got tired of his grading so he slowly stood up and strode into his room. As he passed by Harry he somehow knew that he wouldn't be getting his normal amount of sleep that night. He knew that the mild Dreamless Sleep Potion would soon wear off and he would be awoken immediately. He sighed and crawled underneath his black quilt, giving one last look at the pallid face across the room.

As Snape predicted, Harry began to have nightmares. At first they were strange dreams that one usually has. It started with Ron in a dress, saying "Let's go for a swim." Then he faded out and Harry was left in a darkness he couldn't describe.

All-of-a-sudden he felt very cold and sore. He tried to move but found he couldn't as he was bound by invisible ropes. He also found that he couldn't breath very well, so he began to panic. He heard screams from far away; his own screams from many pain-filled nights. He also heard the punches and slaps that were delivered to him by his uncle. Each time he felt the stings.

As hot tears rolled down his face he started to feel lightheaded from lack of air. This caused more tears and labored breathing. "Please," he tried to say, but it only came out as an unintelligible muffled sound. Just as he felt he would pass out, which was odd since he was already asleep, he felt his binds loosening.

He was shifted easily onto his back and he took in fast, short breaths as if he had just run a mile. This seemed to make him feel worse so his breathing became more rapid. He heard a voice calling his name from afar. It was a familiar voice, and it was neither harsh nor soothing; somewhere in between.

Harry tried to float toward the voice but he couldn't. He felt his eyes flutter open but all he saw was darkness. He didn't really feel awake, either. Just somewhere in unconsciousness. He felt himself sit up and reach for something in the air. He then saw what he was reaching at and yanked his hand back.

A person, or what used to be a person rather, was floating in the air. This thing scared Harry so much that he cried out. It had completely white eyes, black stringy hair on half of it's head, the other side covered in matted hair, blood, dirt, and slime. It's face and body was a mess of sickening, peeling flesh and bone all covered in blood, dirt, and pus. It was wearing almost completely threadbare robes in which the color was completely unidentifiable.

The thing began to twitch, as if by electric shock. Spit slid down it's mouth and onto the floor. Then it gave an awful roar. Harry screamed an unearthly, ear-shattering scream and started awake. Although his eyes were already open they seemed to pop open again.

Harry was shaking violently and his heart felt like it would jump right out of his chest. He saw Snape in front of him with a strange look in his eyes. "Are you awake now?" he asked in a low voice. Harry nodded, eyes wide. He looked to the spot where he saw the zombie but didn't see anything.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw something black and he jumped like he had been shot. "Relax, it's just an old pile of robes." Snape said, picking up what Harry thought was the zombie and tossing it somewhere else.

Snape handed Harry his glasses and stood to get a potion. Harry forcefully grabbed Snape's arm and frantically shook his head. "Potter, I'm just going to get a Calming Potion." he reasoned, annoyed. Harry still didn't let go of his arm. Snape sighed. "You're being ridiculous Potter! But fine, if you don't want a Calming Potion I won't get one."

After a few minutes of silence Snape crouched down in front of Harry and began to talk to him. Harry continued to stare at that one spot. Snape raised his hand to gently grab Harry's chin so he would talk to him. Harry saw Snape's hand and winced ever-so-slightly. Snape noticed and lowered his hand, realizing his mistake.

Snape didn't say anything, he just stared. Harry half-sheepishly looked up. After yet another moment of silence Snape briskly stood up. "Potter, I think I'll be going back to bed. Do try not to wake me again over a silly dream." Harry suddenly felt very stupid and offended at the same time. Was it his fault that a demon decided to visit him?

Harry soon forgot his anger when the lights went out and he clenched his eyes closed so he couldn't see that horrible figure again. It was nearly pitch black and he was terrified. '_What if that thing comes back? _' Harry kept thinking. He prayed that he'd fall asleep soon.

Harry traced the cuts on his arms with his fingers. As weird as it sounded, he found it soothing. He had done them over the summer whenever he could. It wasn't always easy to find something sharp when he was locked up. He eventually got a shard of glass from when he uncle smashed a bottle over his head. Of course, it didn't make very clean cuts but the pain was just as intense as a razor, even more so.

When his uncle found the glass ,though, it was immediately taken away. Harry had to use his broken nails instead. He didn't particularly like that because the pain was too intense. He could barely even break the skin.

Harry fell asleep on this dark thoughts. He awoke the next morning feeling very groggy and angry. He had already started a bad day with sleeping in his glasses. They were heavily smudged by his tossing and turning the previous night. He tried to clean them but it just made it worse. "Piece of shit glasses!" Harry cursed under his breath, He threw the glasses down angrily. He then spotted his wand on a table and hit himself in the head. "Duh!" he said, grabbing his wand and saying the spell to clean his glasses. "Much better." he mumbled.

As he stood to get up, he felt a strong wave of vertigo. He had to sit back down or he would fall over. "Lack of food, Potter, tends too make one dizzy." Snape said from out of nowhere. "Really?" Harry asked very sarcastically. He was very angry at himself and Snape. For Snape because he had more-or-less forced Harry to tell him, or rather, show him what his uncle had done to him. He was mad at himself for actually giving in to him. He could've escaped if he wanted to. He had done wand less magic before, why couldn't he last night? He was angry enough.

If Snape noticed Harry's rudeness he didn't indicate it. The same impassive face remained. "Why are you even awake this early Potter? Need some attention from your loyal fans?" Snape asked, as usual, snidely.

Harry, already furious, drew to the bait. "What do you even know?" Harry asked angrily.

"I know what I see, Potter, and I'd have to say that you are a spoiled brat." Snape answered in a calm voice.

"Have you seen nothing? Don't tell me you didn't see anything last night!" Harry yelled.

"Who's to say that you didn't do anything to earn what your relatives did to you? For all I know, you needed the discipline to keep you in line."

Harry snapped his mouth shut and then reopened it, standing up. "You know what Snape? Fuck you. Fuck whatever you say because you're right. Maybe I did deserve it." Harry said in a dangerously low voice and glaring daggers at the professor. Harry could tell he was taken aback. Harry brushed past him and walked out of the room. On his way out of the office he spotted a clock that read 6:07.

Trekking down the hallway he realized that he didn't even know where he was going. Getting even more frustrated he turned and punched the wall as hard as he could. He didn't even wince as pain shot into his hand and seemed to be released with the blood that now stained his knuckles.

He felt like screaming at the top of his lungs at all the people who did him wrong, Snape on the top of his list at the moment. Instead he just let out a low growl that seemed to reflected on how he felt.

Harry ended up in the Great Hall. He was very grateful for the lack of people. Looking up at the Head Table he noticed Knowles looking at him evilly. 'Damn, this guy's almost as bad as Snape.' Harry thought, annoyed.

He looked at the food in front of him and blanched. He wasn't the least bit hungry. Instead he waited for Knowles to finally look away from him and snatched up the knife that was near a plate. He carefully put it into his pocket and casually walked out of the Great Hall.

Once outside in the hallway again he walked as fast as he could to the haunted girls bathroom. As usual, water was all over the floor. He did a quick check to see if anybody was in the bathroom before pulling the razor-sharp knife out of his pocket and rolling his sleeve all the way up to his shoulder. He pressed the tip of the knife to his upper arm and began sliding it down. "What're you doing?" Myrtle boomed from out of nowhere. This startled Harry so much that he accidentally pushed the tip in farther than intended. Blood seeped out and rolled down his arm.

"Damn it Myrtle! What does it look like I'm doing? Harry nearly shouted. The ghost's eyes went wide and then a maniacal look spread across her face and she grinned at him. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" she asked with glee. Harry sighed.

"No I'm not trying to kill myself." he explained. Myrtle's face went somber again.

"Oh. I thought you were." she said, floating into one of the stalls and disappearing. Harry shook his head and almost laughed. '_Leave it to her to try to get someone to kill themselves just for her sake._' Harry thought comically.

The smile died from his face as he remembered why he was even there in the first place. He saw the blood trickling down his arm and began to panic. He had never cut himself that bad before. What was he going to do?

He sprinted into one of the stalls and grabbed a handful of tissue paper. Applying pressure to his arm via the tissue, he waited for the blood to stop flowing from the wound. As he splashed water on his pale face he glanced at his watch. 6:15. What could he do to pass some time? Maybe go sit by the lake? '_Yeah,_' he thought.'_That sounds good._' Although he wasn't sure if he was allowed to be out this early. Shrugging his shoulders he continued walking out of the bathroom.

After quietly making his way toward the lake he sat down on a big boulder sticking out of the ground. Although he tried not to, he began thinking about his past summer. How horribly his uncle had treated him. How could someone treat someone else so badly? Sirius wouldn't have down that. '_Maybe this is my punishment for getting him killed._' He thought to himself.

"I really wish you were here right now Sirius." Harry said, throwing a stone into the rippling water. "You could tell me how everything will be all right and that I could come live with you." Harry paused, looking at a random black bird on the ground. He suddenly grew angry. "God dammit Sirius! Why did you have to fucking die? You just left me here to rot! Thanks to you, I'll never be happy again!" Harry stopped ranting. "No, that's my fault." he whispered inaudibly.


	4. Half Truths and Whole Lies

**My Pile of Ashes**

**A/N**: Yes everyone, I am still here! I'm so sorry that this I took so long to update. I had a severe lack of inspiration (aka Writers Block) and couldn't figure out what to do. Also, school has been kind of hectic and I can't study and write stories at the same time. The only thing I can say is that I'm sorry and I hope you all forgive me.

Hey, I have a a Beta now, so that's cool. This chapter's been checked over and everything! I send my thanks to MorphManiac, my Beta , for helping me with this chapter! I am extremely grateful. Well, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. If not then uh... shields face ...don't hit me!

**Disclaimer**: I only own one character in here so don't sue me!

**Characters are OOC**

**Chapter 4**: Half Truths and Whole Lies

* * *

Three weeks went by and nothing much had changed. Snape was still as bitter as before, and Knowles was steadily becoming worse. Hermione wasn't as mad as she was before, but she still became offended by Harry's increasingly biting comments. Ron was just about going insane from having to pick sides between the two.

Dumbledore was becoming suspicious towards Harry's attitude. He kept asking how he got certain cuts and bruises. Harry always managed to find a way to lie; but then he started asking why Harry's eyes were so bloodshot. He really had to think to cover that one up. He would say things like how he hadn't been getting very good sleep, or his eyes were just itchy. He hoped Dumbledore believed them.

He knew he shouldn't do it. Not this soon. He was really stupid for doing so but he just couldn't stand being this depressed. He wanted to be happy again. At least, happier than he was now. Plus, he was in the Forbidden Forest already; he just had to light up one more. Harry puffed away on his own special mixture of drugs that he had rolled into a cigarette.

He had just smoked three of them last night at the same spot, and although he knew he shouldn't smoke another one so soon, he began to forget about how wrong it was with each inhale. In fact, he began to forget about everything that was bothering him. No more Voldemort, no more Sirius, and, mostly, no more Dursleys. Harry was what he thought was happy; in his own peaceful world, at least for a little while.

He decided that he should probably be getting back to Hogwarts. It was already way after dark outside. When Harry tried to stand, though, he fell right back down. "Whoa," he muttered, clutching his head. His world spun around him crazily. Pressing his hands tighter to his head, he desperately tried to stop the spinning. It only worked slightly. '_I shouldn'a had this much to smoke._' Harry thought slowly.

As he tried to regain his composure he heard a noise. Someone stepping on a leaf. It had crunched very loudly. Harry snapped his head in the direction in which he had heard the noise and saw the outline of a figure dressed in black. He thought it was a Death Eater. He tried to reach for his wand, but he couldn't remember where he had put it. He started to feel panicky.

"Who's it?" Harry nearly yelled. He wished he hadn't, though. His own voice nearly cause his head to explode. The replied voice wasn't someone whom Harry wanted to see at all.

"Harry Potter!" came the cold yet unmistakable voice

.  
"Professor?" Harry asked in a shaky voice. The figure came nearer.

"What in God's name do you think you're doing?" Snape asked very slowly and dangerously. Harry thought it smart to throw the bag of pot on the ground to hide it. This movement only seemed to anger Snape even more than he was.

He began to feel very paranoid. What if Snape wanted to hit him? What if he actually _was_ a Death Eater? Would he try to kill him? What was that other noise he heard? Was it more Death Eaters? Did Snape bring Voldemort? Or maybe it was a werewolf? A big, hairy, hungry werewolf that was going to kill both Harry and Snape; if Harry didn't die they'd all blame it on him. Then he'd go to Azkaban.

Harry began to shake. Not only was he scared to death, he felt like his whole body was going to implode on itself. Why did he even come out here? He knew somebody would find him out eventually. '_You're so stupid_!' Harry though angrily to himself. Snape snapped him out of his thoughts.

"What was in that bag Potter?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"I-I don't remember." Harry stuttered. He felt terribly cold, yet his face felt like it was on fire.

"What do you mean you don't remember?" Snape yelled. Harry jumped and fell off of the tree stump he was sitting on.

"I thought it was just marijuana!" Harry lied. He knew it was more than that. Snape walked angrily over to the place where Harry had dropped the pot. He bent down and picked up the plastic zip-lock bag, inspected it, then sniffed it. He coughed violently.

"Potter, what's_ in_ this?" Snape asked in a strangled voice.

"How many have you had?" Harry just stared at Snape wide-eyed.

"How many?" Snape repeated, his voice raising. Harry jumped again and began counting on his fingers.

"S-Somewhere between err..." Harry stared at his hand in confusion.

"...five, I think." Harry said, more to himself than to Snape. Snape's eyes nearly bulged out.

"You had five of th-" Snape didn't get to finish his sentence before Harry threw up all over the ground. He grabbed his head again, trying to gain control of his vision. This seemed to draw more of Snape's unwanted attention.

"What's in pain, Potter?" Snape asked almost gently.

"Ugh" was the only reply Harry gave. It felt like Harry was on a carousel that was spinning out of control. He laid his head down on ground, pressing his face into the cool dirt. In a moment he was unconscious.

Harry heard someone talking from what seemed a mile away. He could hear a voice, but he couldn't make out the words. They just reverberated in his head, like he was in a long hallway. The only thing he could decipher was Snape calling his name. It was said almost frantically. Harry tried desperately to open his eyes but he couldn't. He tried to answer to his name but it was like he was paralyzed. Then everything went silent again and he was out cold.

* * *

Harry woke up several times during the night to more voices. After again failing to understand their words he began concentrating on his surroundings. He really couldn't see much but he could definitely tell that he was by a fire. He could feel the warmth radiating from it. The more he thought about the warmth of the fire and how comfortable he was, the more he felt himself being drifted back into a slumber.

"Severus, perhaps you should summon Miss Granger and Mister Weasley." Dumbledore said in a grave voice. Snape sighed.

"Perhaps." he agreed. After Dumbledore's nod he turned and walked out of the office door. Dumbledore sat down in a chair next to Harry. He still couldn't get the image out of his head when Severus had brought Harry in. He was holding Harry so that his head and neck were resting on one arm and the back of Harry's knees on the other arm. Severus had a look of urgency in his eyes. Harry, himself, looked horrible. His face was almost as white as paper, his red-rimmed eyes were clenched tightly, and he reeked of something awful.

Dumbledore was shocked when Severus told him what had happened. He also felt guilty for what Harry had to endure at home. He had a suspicion that something like that was happening, but not to the extent in which Snape explained. How could he have passes up all the signs? Now here Harry was, malnourished, beaten, and near death.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard his office door open suddenly.

"Where is he?" Dumbledore heard Hermione ask frantically.

"In here!" he called from the chair in his personal quarters. Hermione ran in while Ron walked in almost hesitantly. Hermione immediately put her hand over her gaping mouth as her eyes widened. Ron put his arm over Hermione's shoulder as he muttered "Oh my God" over and over.

"How...what happened?" the red head asked in a hushed voice. Snape, who had just entered the room, looked sharply at Dumbledore who in turn sighed.

"It seems as if Harry has overdosed on drugs." Dumbledore explained, eyes lowered to the ground. It took a moment to sink in but as soon as it did all hell broke lose. Hermione broke into tears and Ron grew angry.

"Are you serious?" Ron asked in a deadly whisper.

"Would we be joking about such a thing?" Snape asked equally dangerous.

"Shut up!" Ron yelled, turning on Snape. He clenched his fists tightly. Then his rage built up even more and he forcefully shoved a small, nearby table over onto it's side. Hermione cried harder at the outburst. Ron ran out of the room and into Dumbledore's office. Sounds of things crashing to the floor and the thuds of feet connecting to various objects could be heard.

Before anyone could stop him, Snape rushed out of the room. He found Ron kicking the leg of a chair at such a force a thick, sharp shard of wood splintered off.

"Mr. Weasley! If you do not stop this minute I will personally make sure that you are expelled for good!" Snape said loudly. Ron abruptly stopped moving and stood completely still for a few seconds. Then he turned around slowly and stared at Snape so evilly that Snape was almost shocked.

Then, as fast as a blink of an eye, Ron lunged at Snape and punched him in the eye. Snape fell back at the shock and momentum of the punch and two things happened: his head hit the corner of the desk, and a crunch from Snape's arm was heard when he tried to catch his fall. Ron, still standing above him, drew back his leg as Hermione and Dumbledore both came running in to see what the crash was.

"Ron, no!" Hermione yelled. It was too late, though. Just as Ron was about to kick Snape in the stomach, Snape grabbed Ron's leg with his good hand. Ron quickly lost his balance and fell backwards to the floor. Unfortunately, the shard of wood that Ron kicked off the chair earlier happened to be lying up-right on the floor so that Ron's shoulder came in contact with it.

The wood impaled his left shoulder in such a way that half of it came out the other side. Ron's screams filled the room for a few seconds before he stopped suddenly. He had passed out from the pain. Hermione was beyond screaming, Dumbledore's eyes were as wide as possible, and Snape was trying and failing to sit up and see what had happened. Dumbledore snapped back into action and quickly yelled to Snape.

"Severus, don't move!" he barked. Snape quit trying to sit up, feeling to dizzy anyway.

"Hermione! Conjure up a stretcher for Harry and I'll handle these two," Dumbledore  
snapped. Hermione knew now was not the time to gawk, so she immediately did what she was told.

" 'eadmaster, this isn't nec'ssary." Snape said, voice slightly slurred.

"Please, Severus, just be quiet and let me do my job!" Dumbledore pleaded. He was in a hurry to get them all to the Hospital Wing. Conjuring up a stretcher and carefully moving Ron onto it, he moved on to Snape. Snape tried to protest but with one look from Dumbledore he shut his mouth. Hermione came back into the office, slightly winded, with Harry on a stretcher. She looked expectantly at Dumbledore, and they both headed out the office door towards the Hospital Wing.


	5. What a Night

**My Pile of Ashes**

**A/N: **Hey! I'm really sorry this took so long! As usual, stuff happens. It's easier for me now, though, because I have a word processor in my room so I can type in there also. Thank you all so much for the reviews! I got a _ton_of them! 'Thank you' can't even express how I feel. Thanks also to my beta, MorphManiac; she makes my story so much better.

**Disclaimer**: Oh yes. I own this. Along with the entire universe!

**Characters will be OOC**

**Chapter 5**: What a Night

* * *

The Hospital Wing was deserted when Hermione entered it. Even Madame Pomfrey was no where to be seen, but Dumbledore appeared to know what to do. He found a bed for Ron, Snape, and Harry; afterwards briskly walking into a room that Hermione hadn't even noticed before. The door, which was the same color as the wall, had a small brass doorknob that was hardly noticeable. 

After what seemed like forever to Hermione, Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey both walked out, each wearing the same expression: urgency. Madame Pomfrey did not ask any questions of the headmaster, but instead went straight to work.

She first went to Ron, who was bleeding heavily. Madame Pomfrey looked thoughtful; then, looking at Dumbledore, barked out some items that she needed.

While Dumbledore was retrieving the items from Madame Pomfrey's medicine cupboard the Medi-witch gently eased Ron's shirt off of him. She said a spell and the wooden sliver disappeared with a 'pop'. She said another spell and the bleeding ceased. Then she waved her wand again and the blood was cleaned off.

As Dumbledore returned Madame Pomfrey took the potions from him without hesitation. The first one was a pain reliever that she forced down Ron's throat. Another one was a balm that was applied topically to Ron's wound. There was a faint glow of red where Madame Pomfrey had applied the balm. Hermione recognized it as an anti-bacterial balm. Dumbledore handed Madame Pomfrey a long cloth bandage and Madame Pomfrey carefully wrapped Ron's shoulder up with it. Dumbledore handed Madame Pomfrey one more potion, a Blood Replenishing Potion, and she administered it to Ron. A little color returned to his face.

After she was done with Ron she moved on to Snape. Looking him up and down with apprehension, she waved her wand and a blue light swept over him. Madame Pomfrey sighed with relief as the blue light turned green.

"Nothing too serious. No concussion at least. Has a pretty bad break in his arm and a black eye, although I have seen him in worse condition," Madame Pomfrey said to Dumbledore. She said the same spell to stop the bleeding on Snape's head and then, like Ron, said another spell to clean the blood off. She wrapped a bandage around his head. She looked at him again, and with one last wave of her wand, his black eye was gone.

Then Madame Pomfrey delicately pushed up Snape's left sleeve and began inspecting his arm. She said a charm and Snape's broken arm was mended.

"His arm will be sore for some time so he'll have to be careful when using it," Madame Pomfrey stated. She gave one last look at Snape before proceeding to where Harry lay.

Pomfrey waved her wand and the same blue light fluttered over Harry's body. Unlike Snape, though, it turned an alarmingly bright red. Madame Pomfrey and Dumbeldore both gasped at the same time. Hermione looked on in confusion.

"He's in a very critical condition, Ms. Granger," Dumbledore explained, sensing Hermione's bafflement.

"Is he...will he be...?" Hermione could not bring herself to finish.

"I'm not sure, but we'll do everything that we can for him," Madame Pomfrey said gravely. Tears sprang to Hermione's eyes and she lowered her head. Pomfrey examined Harry a bit more and sighed.

"Albus," she began, turning away from the distraught girl, "I hate to say it...but I'm at a loss. The only thing I have in mind is a stomach pump but I don't know how well he'd be able to handle that due to his malnourishment," Pomfrey said in distress.

"Do you know how to perform a stomach pump?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Do it," Dumbledore interrupted. "He is strong enough. He can handle it," the Headmaster said with determination in his voice. Pomfrey looked hesitant.

"But Professor, what if Harry doesn't-doesn't..." Hermione asked, her voice cracking from emotion. Dumbledore realized she had been listening and turned his gaze to her.

"In all the years that you've known Harry, when has ever given up? Never; and he's not going to give up this time."

"Isn't there anything else we could do? What about at St. Mungos? Couldn't they do any more for him there?" Hermione asked.

"The only thing they could do for him at St. Mungos is give him a separate room and leak the information of what happened to the press." Dumbledore said bitterly. Hermione, who had never heard Dumbledore talk so coldly before, was taken aback.

"I'm sorry Miss Granger. It's been a long day. Why don't you go on to bed. I'll notify you of any changes," Dumbledore suggested. It was more like an order. Hermione left the Hospital Wing without protesting. Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore both looked at each other.

"Let us begin," Madame Pomfrey said.

* * *

Harry felt like he'd been hit by a truck. Everything hurt. Muscles that he didn't even realize he had hurt. He tried to open his eyes but they felt incredibly heavy. In fact, his whole body felt heavy. 

When he finally did open his eyes all of his surroundings were blurry. It was also very dark. He tried to reach for his glasses but when he tried to lift his arm up a sharp pain went through his hand and something tugged it back down.

Harry started to panic. He hated being held down. Especially since it was dark and he couldn't see anything.

"Calm down," said a soothing voice from somewhere in the darkness.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Harry asked, but regretted it as his throat felt like it was on fire. He coughed, which only made things worse. Suddenly he felt his glasses being pressed onto his face. Everything became clearer and he saw Dumbledore sitting next to him. He also saw big machines sitting on the opposite side of his bed.

"What-what's all this?" Harry asked in a raspy voice.

"Well, Harry, the one that beeps measures your heart beat, and the other one is an IV," Dumbledore explained. Harry thought for a minute. He was trying to remember what happened. He didn't remember being at Quidditch practice.

'Wait, what's Quidditch again?' Harry thought to himself. He began to panic again. 'Why can't I remember things?' he thought in alarm. He heard the beeping of the heart monitor speed up.

"Harry? What's the matter?" Dumbledore asked.

"I...I can't remember what Quidditch is. Or why I'm here. I can't remember!" Harry stated frantically. The heart monitor was beeping out of control.

"Try to stay calm Harry. Memory loss is common." Dumbledore explained.

"But what happened?" Harry asked.

"I'm disappointed to say that you were out in the Forbidden Forest smoking pot. You overdosed on it and Professor Snape found you and brought you to my office. Madame Pomfrey had to do a stomach pump, which is why your throat hurts so bad. " Dumbledore said.

Harry was quiet. He was shocked to learn that Snape, of all people, found him smoking pot. Why was he doing that in the first place? He didn't see any reason to do drugs.

'Hold on a minute. Didn't something happen at the Dursleys this summer? And didn't something happen last school year?' Harry thought with confusion. Dumbledore sighed sadly, as if he could read Harry's thoughts.

"Your memory will return soon Harry. And when it does return, don't forget that I am here for you. Professor Snape, although it may seem unlikely, won't turn you down either if you need someone to talk to," Dumbledore said sincerely. Harry smiled a half smile at the headmaster before feeling his eyelids start to droop. He fell into a deep slumber.


End file.
